We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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