The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
