It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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