So drunk its hurt
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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