I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
