I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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