So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
