Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Plan B is the new Plan A
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
