DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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