I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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