so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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