I just threw up on my dentist
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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