So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
