I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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