YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
