Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
