Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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