I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
