he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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