He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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