I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
