I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
