shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
