Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
