Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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