You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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