If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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