Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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