After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
