What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
