Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
