also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
