If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
