I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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