Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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