I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
