brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
