I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize