i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
