The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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