um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
