The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
