I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
ttyl tear gas
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
