Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
