I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
