FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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