What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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