You just made me feel so damn special
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
