Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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