hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
