We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize