so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
