i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
