Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
