420 ftw
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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