I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
