If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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