you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Porn is love you can see.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
