In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
