Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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