My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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