Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
