So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
