why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
