when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You were trust falling into bushes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
