I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
