I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
