Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
